I felt this way about it last fall when I jumped on the scale (WHY, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?) and noticed that I'd gained 10 pounds or more. And not in nice places.
Here's my weight loss plan for middle-age:
- Drink instead of eating--same calories, more fun.
- Have an ex husband who causes you stress and makes you feel ill
- Date someone younger who works out every day
- Have a 14 year old daughter who keeps you up and worries you constantly
- Have 3 needy children and a two story home so that you are constantly running up and down the stairs to do things like look at their pooh in the shape of a pretzel, look for their new pet eraser named Albert, and answer questions about the universe an hour after bedtime.
- Do this again in the morning as soon as they wake up--better than boot camp at the gym.
- Be a good parent and chase them when they disobey. If they are scared of you they run faster.
- Offer them brownies before you take a bite, so that the brownies disappear before you get one and you're left scraping the crumbs off the bottom of the pan.
- Cook healthy meal and stop eating when the kids compare your noodles to worms, peas to eyeballs, and play Fear Factor at every meal.
- Summer Deal: My kids as a weigh loss plan for $100 a week
