Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Vampire Geraniums

I have been informed by my oldest daughter that Vampire Cactuseses already exist. She says the high school had a play about them last year. And she's not talking about The Little Shop of Horrors either. I also googled vampire cactus and not only is there a blog by this name, but some company also makes t-shirts http://www.mysoti.com/mysoti/designer/withoutbones/product/102639;jsessionid=bt1t39od85s

So I've decided (in my current drugged out state to change MY vampire cactus to a geranium, a nice pretty indoor/outdoor plant that everyone has and that does not seem in the least sinister.

No one has ever had this brilliant idea before.

So now my youngest, who is sitting here next to me asking me what I'm doing, tells me to google vampire geranium and see what I find.

Ha! Score! I am as brilliant as I thought I was!

More DayQuil please. (and maybe a shot of vodka, it's been a long day)

Monday, April 6, 2009

Will taking the whole Box of DayQuil Work?

I caught the deadly cold that was passed around weeks ago. I'm so sick that I even told my BF to stay away. Well, first I asked him to come nurse me back to health and then I told him I'd even buy him a cute little nurse outfit to wear and then the image of him in a white miniskirt and fishnet stalkings was too much and I just felt ill again and thought that he should probably just stay as far away from me as possible.

I've fallen asleep sitting here three times already while writing this. More than is normal for even me. I know where this illness leads to. Here's a picture of my youngest child one week after onset:

Yes, I am slowly turning into a zombie vampire. That would explain all the weird dreams that I keep having on DayQuil.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Abrah's contribution

The cacti find that they need help, once the humans have discovered their vampirism and cut them down and burn them in huge bonfires that snuff out the daylight with clouds of black smoke. They call to the smaller, smarter variety, the common cactus houseplant to help them. Cacti in Walmart, in people's homes, in restaurants, in public gardens all hear the call. While not infected with vampiric blood, the ever thirsty soul of cacti is awakened by the call and they begin to hunt at night, moving ever slowly closer to the humans who care for them. Sometimes leaving their prickles in shoes, or under pillows, or on the toilet seat. Wherever a human might accidently get poked and suffer.
This is the second kind of death, a long torturous draining of fluid. At first the effects are not noticeable and the person might just wake up with chapped lips and a dry throat which no amount of carmex or water can alleviate. Then the skin on legs and arms dries and cracks, sloughing away like onion peel. Vision becomes blurry and the human is more and more fatigued, until unable to get out of bed. Cacti gather around the prey to suck the last bit of moisture out, until the person becomes a dry husk, a tumbleweed in human rags.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

To my Anonymous FAN:

Hey, anonymous comment leaver! If you are so sorry, then it's time to fess up and leave a name. Or at least a clue so that you and I both know what's what. It's not so fair to leave it anonymous.
One word should do it if you remember.
Or two.

(Not that there were many, hardly any, but I'd still like to know for sure.) You KNOW you want to be found out by me or you wouldn't be leaving any comments at all.