Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Why haven't they invented a cage for a Teenage Girl yet?

It takes talent and training to handle being around teenage girls. They aren't like other creatures. There is no direct link from what's going on around them to their reaction. There is no explanation for mood changes, demands, sleep schedules, fights with their friends, or their choice of boy crushes. Disrupting them is like poking a sleeping grizzly. Sometimes it's better not to bother.
The only trick I know is to hardly ever take what they say or the grimace on their face as they say it personally. Very little of what goes on in their head has anything to do with you. If you jump on them every time they step out of the straight lines you've drawn in you fantasy on how great your happily little family will be, you will just wear yourself out and become frustrated and nasty.
Think of the teenage girl as a lunatic and you as the keeper of the keys to the asylum. Don't let them burn the place down or escape. But don't listen to the crazy babble either. They truly don't know what they're saying.
The only time to reprimand them is when their glazed eyes clear for a second and they've just been fed, and their hair has been straightened and eye liner applied. When the twitching isn't noticeable and they can look you in the eye then it's time to take them seriously.
At 15 or 16 their little brains will gel back together and form complete coherent sentences. Expecting perfection too soon is like expecting that grizzly to sit up and shake your hand, rather than claw you to death, bury you beside a stream, and come back to eat you in the fall. They can't get from one point to another in a rational line.
So learn to let it roll off your shoulders sometimes and don't worry so much! Worry causes wrinkles and depression. Don't let your teenager win and turn you into an old person.

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