18 days

I have to make a list of all the things I have to do before he gets here. I had assumed he was just a figment of my imagination and would never really buy a plane ticket. Ooops. Now I have to

• Lose 20 pounds
• Get a haircut
• Clean the underside of the toilet seats
• Stop chewing my nails
• Stop chewing my nails to lose 20 pounds
• Stick butter in my hair to make it shiny
• Stop eating black beans entirely
• Only drink water
• Clean out my car
• Make all kinds of plans to see everyone
• Teach the kids some manners
• Get rid of these dark circles under my eyes
• Will Oil of Olay take ten years off if I use it right now?