Friday, December 11, 2009

Sometimes when I watch Survivor I think WOW this is alot like my life. All the strategizing, saying things a certain way to get a specific outcome, watching my back. Just yesterday someone hit me with an email which was just as outrageous as Russell saying he had all the power because he holds the immunity idol and that having it doesn't put a target on his back.
That's about as idiotic as my ex husband suggesting he work out any misunderstandings ahead of time with the man I'm marrying in September.
I like to try to sit on things for a day before I let them fully sink it. Hang onto the panic that comes whenever I hear from him. Sit alone in the dark and breathe or lay on the livingroom floor, because if I shut myself in my room the girls tell everyone they can find that I'm lost, or dead, or having some major crisis. At least in the livingroom they only lay down next to me and stare at me, waiting for me to take my last breath so that they can have my new favorite scarf that Abrah gave me for my birthday.
Where was I going with that?
After a day of trying not to take any specific direction on this outrageous email I have come to 20 different conclusions. The most important one is that he just screwed himself out of the best direction he could have taken in controlling my life by saying that he's happy with my relationship and that I'm moving. It will be nearly impossible to go to court now and claim that I can't move because I'm taking the girls away from him.
Major Strategic Mistake!
His second mistake is thinking that he can use my man and my therapist against me. And not very subtly either. "Kristi won't like this" is a huge understatement. But then he's tried to undermine me with the girls by telling them stories about me, with my mother by trying to get her help in seeing the girls, with my father by buddying up to him, with the principal of the girls' school, with the police chief, with everyone at Family Court, with the Office of Child Support, with the Department of Family Services. The only person I think he's never tried this on is Abrah.
He wouldn't DARE call Abrah and attempt to be friends.
I'm a bit surprised he didn't ask to bring her to therapy too, because if he wants to hang out around me and be invited into my house he would definitely have to get past her.
And Bill too of course.
The third mistake which should kick him out of the game immediately is thinking he's in control and stating in a booming all powerful voice "All is Forgiven."
He needs to take a logic class.
Anyway, I'm hoping that in writing down my conclusions I can get them out of my head and move on to other things like grocery shopping. So let's make a list of the 20 conclusions of Kristi:
1. He is mistaken about who is in control. I think it might be Ellen. But then again I hired her.
2. Documentation works both ways.
3. My fiance will never side with him against me.
4. Twisted is as twisted does.
5. The chances of running into him are slim.
6. And #5 is not a big deal anyway. I can scream really loud.
7. The criminal is the one to be forgiven, not the victim.
8. Forgiveness is not one of the stops on the Path to Gof.
9. Unless it's forgiving myself for having a Stupid Moment.
10. Or maybe a couple.
11. Delusions full of contradictions will only bite you in the ass in front of a judge.
12. Using big words only makes you look stupider.
13. I need more therapy.
14. This is merely a good test, to see who's who and who does what.
15. I need to be protected sometimes.
16. Sending me an outrageous email while I'm at work makes for an interesting day.
17. I can get through this without self-medicating.
18. If I can laugh, I can breathe.
19. He's afraid of Abrah.
20. Installing a microwave security system is a really good idea!

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