Thursday, August 13, 2009

I Attract The Crazies

People tell me the strangest things and I must have an "open for business" sign on my forehead. The tiny Walmart clerk reached over for my purchases as I pushed them toward her.
"Wake up," she said to the guy clerk who was just hanging around daydreaming or something.
"It's a good thing he doesn't have dreams like I used to," she said. "I lived in this building that was full of evil spirits and bad energy, with people shooting each other and screaming and putting their hands through the walls."
I tried to listen, but really I was just thinking about donuts. Really. It was lunchtime and I thought the kids would like a dozen donuts.
"And I used to see blue glowing orbs sometimes. And one time I saw an alien hand on my husband's chest. It was dark but I looked over and saw it."
Hmmmm, I was thinking that this was a weird thing to tell a total stranger.
"And then one day a bird came to my windowsill and I asked my aunt who is into stuff like that and she said it was a sign for me to leave."
Wow, I see alot of birds. That must be why I move around so much.
"And so here I am in a better place. I haven't had those dreams in a while."
Walmart. Hmmmm. Yes, probably a step up from the crazy haunted alien-ridden apartment building in a place where the sighting of a bird is extra-ordinary and meaningful.
My youngest child kept a straight face until we left the building and then looked at me and said "People just seem to tell you things, don't they?"
Yup, I attract the crazies. Just look at my ex-husband. And many previous boyfriends. And my mother. And that squirrel. And oh look, a butterfly . . .


Anonymous said...

hhheeeeeyyyyyyy - not all your ex-boyfriends are crazy... or am i???, hey - who said that...

hippiemidget said...

That might be funny, except for the post about James, who did actually speak to himself.
No action since 1992, I would call THAT crazy.

Anonymous said...

I believe it was mildly amusing, not really funny. Probably made the edges of your mouth curl up ever so slightly..... just for a second. Yes, the 1992 reference..... you're right on with that!

halerrrr said...
I dedicate this to you