Insanely Dumbass Things Men Have Said To Me

that I want to write down before I forget them:

• "You're 38 and desperate to settle down before you get much older."

(Actually, since I already have kids and have been married I am much less likely to ever want to settle down again unless it's with the absolutely right person.)

• "If you're in a relationship with someone, then you should be an open book. If you don't answer every question then you're keeping secrets."

(After reading the most PERSONAL questions out of a book of 4000 questions to get to know anyone, and too easy to say if you're 28 and you've never DONE anything.)

• "I'm an INDEPENDENT kind of person."

(As a reason for not returning my calls for two days, just after spending 9 straight days at my place because he didn't want to go home alone.)

• "If we were to have children and then you died because you're so OLD, then I would be robbing the children of time with you."

(After one month of dating.)

• "Your starting to sound in some ways like one of those parents that comes into the office to have their kid fixed because the kid is the identified patient and the kids problem has absolutely nothing to do with them. " (His spelling error, not mine)

(This was after I said something about Joe being the cause of Haley's problems, which the experts have agreed with, and some naive booksmart kid shouldn't ever say to me anyway.)

• "I like YOU alot but I don't want to be with anyone with 3 kids."

(After a year and a half of dating.)

• "Driving half an hour to see you after work is too hard. You have more energy than I do because you don't DO anything all day. "

(After he saw only 2 clients all day at work. You're right. I don't DO anything.)

• "I'm perhaps a bit scared that you would treat me like shit if things didn't work out the way you wanted them too. I don't want to be run through the mud or bullied or treated badly. I know you have done that to some degree with Joe. So I see that explosive potential and that scares me."

(Huh? What? I think I called Joe an asshole over the phone only once in all this time and it was just last month. I am the complete opposite of explosive, which has it's own problems.)

• "You're attached to me at the hip . . . you want more from this relationship than I do . . . You want to be together all the time."

(During the very conversation when I was gently breaking up with him.)

• "So if you move to Wyoming can I come visit sometime and you can show me around?"

(I don't even know how to reply to that one and so haven't.)

I can write these things here because some people have no interest in reading anything I have to write. That ALONE should have warned me. I am what I write.

And I don't mind if people say dumbass things to me, as long as they stop and realize that they're dumbass and then apologize for being such a dumbass and we laugh about it and they bring me wine when I'm out.

P.S. When I started writing this I forgot the thing that was said that was so inane and inappropriate that I was stewing on it a bit because I can't get it out of my head, which is why I wanted to post all this, so that it's out of my head and I can leave it on this blog and go about my life without thinking about it. So here it is:

Him after two months of dating and lots of ambivalence: "Let's do a threesome."

I ignored it the first time.

Him a week later: "Let's do a threesome."

"Are you serious?" I just couldn't believe that someone would say this to me. I'm old, been there done stupid things, and I'm now a halfway (snort) respectable person in the community. And to be honest, I was just sitting there thinking about someone out there who is NOT ambivalent about me.

Him: If you're with someone and you care about them then you want to help them fulfill their fantasies.