They Stole My Phone Number and I Failed a Test on Myself

So today Steve at Voicepulse called, as he seems to be calling thousands of people out there--he's a busy guy, to tell me that Voicepulse has lost my phone number. Some company named GlobalNETS actually owns it and rented it out to Voicepulse before the portability act (which says something about being able to carry your phone with you if you want to go to the bathroom. I don't know how this has anything to do with taking away the number that I've come to know and love).

GlobalNets took my number back from Voicepulse. So I get to switch telephone companies or have a new number outside my local exchange. Steve said a particularly confusing thing, more confusing than a portable rule on portation. He said that I could call him back and to ask for Steve as he was the only Steve at Voicepulse, which seems strange since Steve is such a common name and I really don't need another crazy boyfriend anyway.

I DID file a complaint with the FCC, because it's really against the law for Voicepulse to take my number away. And I can't just switch to a different company because one time I failed a test on myself.

When I moved back here from Wyoming, I tried to set up Verizon. But because I'd been out WEST and never used Verizon they wanted me to prove that I was ME. So they gave me a multiple choice test over the phone about places I have lived before.
EXAMPLE QUESTION: You once lived at which number:
a) 49
b) 102
c) 34
d) 1658

So I've lived at two of those numbers. Maybe more. I don't remember. Do you know how many times I've moved, and how bad my memory is, and how many times I didn't want anyone to find me so I didn't know my own address so that if they did meet me on the street one day they wouldn't be able to torture the information out of me and just show up at my house one day to visit?

I failed the test. So the customer service secret agent said that I would have to fax her a colored copy of my driver's license, social security card, 5th grade report card, and my first baby tooth.
That's when I said no thank you to the woman and decided to find a service that would take a credit card number and just bill me instead of trying to find out my real identity because obviously I must be someone else. I hope the real me is happily married to a wonderful man and living in Wyoming with a black cat and two dogs and laughs alot, and not necessarily at herself alone in the kitchen hunched over her laptop.