Saturday, September 5, 2009

I Was Dating a Borderline--a serious post

I expect to see Borderline Personality Disorder in young girls. That love/hate relationshp is difficult to deal with and hard to improve without some serious therapy.
I never thought I'd be dating one, a 42 year old male. I never thought about what that might look like. It was so confusing and the confusion made me anxious because I expect people to become aware of their own issues over time. I ran into the answer tonight as I was cleaning out all my binders of school stuff--lightening my load slowly so that later on it will be easier to know what to bring and what to leave behind. Do I need the 30 page research paper I wrote about the relationship between Guilt and Physical Health? Probably not. Just picking it up caused minor seizures.
In all seriousness however, I feel the need to tell you that I was in this relationship and missed what was really going on entirely behind the trees (like the forest, people) and if I'm that stupid, well, anyone could be.
But it was hiding in a handout on Differentiation of the Self and Relationship Strategies. Oooh, a slight tremor reappears in my left elbow. And since he continues to stalk my blog why the hell not throw this up here.

Borderline Personality Disorder (From the NIMH site):

A person with BPD may have intense bouts of anxiety lasting only an hour or most of a day. This may occur along with self-injury, risky behaviors, drinking or drug use. Serious thinking distortions and a lack of sense of self lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, and values. They may see themselves as bad or unworthy or hate themselves to an extreme.
They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. If they are isolated from social supports they may frantically try to avoid being alone.
Relationships are unstable because being with someone is as terrifying as being without. They shift from love to hate very easily, becoming very close very quickly and then pulling away just as quickly. They are especially sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to any criticism.
I continue to process this although it was over a long time ago because it was so disturbing and confusing. And he was right about one thing: He would continue to do it over and over, the pull back and then the move to closeness, and I was right when I finally said that I was better off alone. Dating a borderline is like riding a Roller Coaster and you do have the choice to get off anytime you want.
And if you remember the classic My Boyfriend Is Constipation post, it's the same thing.

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