Friday, September 25, 2009

Reasons I shouldn't OWN a CELLPHONE

I was trying to get in touch with the head of the Math Department at the highschool but kept missing his call, and instead kept getting that You've Got Voicemail buzz. Thankfully Haley was standing next to me so I handed it to her and said "Fix it!" because she was born with the phone manual implanted in her head. She said something about Bluetooth being on, but I don't even know what that is although I suspect it has something to do with PIRATES and I don't know how I turned it on.
But the problem with carrying a cellphone is more than that. It puts the focus on how distractable I am. I got a text message while I was walking over to get Haley at the school and I dared to read it quickly, but then I had to WAIT until I got to the school to text back. And then I felt like I was trying too hard to look cool while leaning against the track fence and texting, but really I was just trying not to fall over. Standing and texting is almost as dangerous as walking and texting.
So no worries about me driving and texting. The kids won't let me. And the cellphone is buried in my bag or in my left pocket secured by the seat belt. In all the fumbling and swearing I realize that I can't even get the phone out without endangering myself.
It would be cool if it did come with Pirates because then they could take my calls and text for me and everyone would think I was cool sounding like Captain Jack because I'd be all "Har, and Aye, and Where's the RUM?" And everything comes back to Johnny Depp just as it should. Johnny Depp should come with my phone. I'm turning on Bluetooth as soon as I brush my hair and teeth and throw on some perfume.

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