Saturday, September 12, 2009

My Over-Developed Skill of Blocking Things Out

So I'm realizing more and more how completely unobservant I've become. (Which sounds contradictory but that's the way my world is.) I walk around like I'm caught in a snowglobe, dodging the sparkly flakes that spin around me whenever someone picks up my world and shakes it, but never seeing very far outside my own little world that mostly exists inside my head. My head is just too full of other things.

I'm oblivious as I walk around and I miss really important things like:

  • An old man with a cane whose face was twisted up on one side and down on the other and was so terrifying that Gina asked if he was wearing a mask.

  • A young man in Waterbury with a sombrero, standing outside Ben and Jerry's. Apparently the sight was so exciting that Haley had to buy a sombrero immediately. I guess she wants to join him.

  • A man/woman with facial hair outside the mall in the BIG CITY wearing a pink spandex tank top and jean cutoffs. However, I think that Abrah may have made this up to take our attention off the previous five minutes when her back side was hanging out of a photo booth we had all squeezed into.

  • A red car that had stopped in the middle of a busy intersection because it couldn't decide which way to go and was holding up traffic and then decided to just follow us because of the sombrero wearing chicas in the back seat.

Of course there are also some things I saw that I wish I hadn't:

  • The Tinkerbell pajama pants that Haley had decided to wear on our trip into the BIG CITY.

  • The powder blue shirt with big white flowers that Abrah held up across the second-hand store and yelled "How about this one?" It might have won me the prize at Ugly Shirt Poker Night, but the sight has scarred me forever.

  • The bulge in the front of a bottom-only black mannequin who was guarding the women's clothing section and was draped with nylons. A big bulge and very wrong. The girls pointed this out to me. Of course it was only this morning that I was informed that there were THREE half mannequins and that one had a red skirt pulled down below its man-parts. They probably thought I'd do something embarrassing like pull the skirt back up and say "There, all better now" as the rest of the shoppers watched in horror.

  • The calories in a 5 oz glass of wine. My ability to block this number out is so GOOD that I am newly surprised and disheartened everytime I see it again.

  • Me in a pair of Eddie Bauer Jeans which had sand-blasted white horizontal stripes right where my permanent bloat is, drawing all attention to it, and making it literally the WHITE ELEPHANT in the room.

  • Those nasty imported tea-party people who protest everyone having health insurance. It's easy to be a right wing republican if you HAVE healthcare, a secure job, and own a house already. I thought maybe they got together to drink TEA, but instead they just stand on the street corner waving their offensive signs that should really say "We only get along when we're in charge" or "Sore Losers".

Call it self-preservation.

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