Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Signs that You Are Mature Enough to Have a Threesome

Some background for those of you who don't know me: I'm (ahem) pushing middle-age. I've got two teens and a tween. I used to be entertaining, but now I'm tired and worn out and just want to live a simple and boring life. I was dating a guy 10 years younger a while back and he was trying to push the threesome thing on me, and wouldn't give it up because "every man wants a threesome and it's a sign of maturity to say so to the person you just started dating" and "you must be really insecure to not want to do this" and "you are just afraid I'd like the other woman better."

My Wonderfully Helpful Muse decided I should have a list handy of signs that someone is "MATURE" enough to handle a threesome:
•You're so BORED with your own damn performance that you need to be entertained. It is all just a performance, isn’t it?
•You can multitask.
• You are generous and enjoy sharing your bounty with many.
• You don't worry anymore about what other people think of you.
• You can share the cost of birth control
• You are quite handy.
• You were SO busy today that you had to do chair exercises.
• You need other people to do your work for you.
• At this point any work is good work
• You realize you don't need to have feelings to have a good time.
• You know that more hands always lightens the load.
• You realize it's all about the TEAM.
• You have developed excellent leadership qualities.
• You work well alongside others.
• You are good at providing support.
• You would ask someone to do something you wouldn't be willing to do yourself.

If you fulfill all of the above required characteristics please print them out and present them to your significant other along with your request. Just don't ask me ever again.

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